I went to Durham the other day.

Two days ago to be exact.

Anyways, I hate driving. I always get frustrated and bored and restless, so it just isn't enjoyable to me.

But while I was on I-85 to go visit my best friend, I looked to my left and saw a man driving by himself. I don't know what it was about him, but there was something that just scared me. Not like a scary scared, don't get me wrong, but I saw myself like him in 15 years or so.

He had a straight face, scruffy hair, average car, but he just didn't look happy.

I'm not sure what my biggest fear is, but a big one is ending up like how I envisioned him. Just living to live.

I have all of these things I want to do with my life- Get a degree in film production, live in Australia, travel the world (cliché, I know), fall in love, et cetera et cetera.

But I have this nagging fear that I won't do any of them. Maybe I'll be too scared of change, maybe something will happen that prohibits it, but something will change in my life and make me avoid my dreams.

And as a result, I will end up like this man. Have a job I only enjoy a little bit. Live in a place I don't really want to live. Never cross the border of the States. Maybe even settle for a boy that doesn't make me fully happy or fully understand me. Pretty much just live life to live it.

THIS THOUGHT IS TERRIFYING. To the point that I have actually lost sleep on the occasional night.

Lately I've just been feeling like I'm stuck in a rut with my life. I'm stagnant and unchanging. I've settled on things that I've always told myself I wouldn't, and I want that to change.

I'm not too sure how that will happen, but I'm going to find out and take action on my life.

Not too relevant, but kind of reflects how I've been feeling lately. I heard this at church yesterday:

"We are broken people in desperate need of a God who hears us, who cares, and can do anything."