It's Easter Break, so obviously I had to do something interesting. I decided that going to Tennessee to visit my grandmother (who just had a minor heart surgery) and my best friend (who just had her baby) would suffice. My dad came with me.
Grandma's good, that wasn't really interesting (hate to sound mean or anything..) but seeing Danielle was amazing! And just being back in Knoxville in general was nice too. The baby's name is Amelia Marie, and she's beautiful and tiny. When wrapped up in her blanket, she looked like a little burrito :) I didn't stay very long because Amelia was only 3 days old and I'm sure they all needed a rest, but I'm still glad I got to see all of them again!
While being back in Knoxville was nice, it was also kind of sad. I know that city isn't very safe, and from hearing stories from Danielle, the kids are getting more and more sketch. I've been to a few concerts with her there and hung around the city, and I can almost guarantee that I would have been hanging with the wrong crowd and would haven gotten in some trouble at some point. My dad, grandma, and I were driving around the city looking for somewhere she had to be, and we kept passing the Juvenile Court. It was pretty ominous, and I got this strange feeling that, had we stayed in Knoxville, I would have known someone that had gone there or I, myself, would have been there. Scary thoughts.
Anyways, later that night I went to sleep and had the most terrifying, almost lucid dream. I was walking around some worn down sort of warehouse buildings with my old friend Seth, who I haven't talked to in forever. We met up with a group of people who I recognized as all the people I used to hang out with in high school. Mark was there, Izzy, Carlos, and some other people I didn't know as well. Side note from the dream- A couple months ago, Carlos, who I wasn't very good friends with, but knew, committed suicide. I'm not sure how or why, but he's dead. We were all talking and doing some relatively illegal things, and their was an uncomfortable air around the group. All of a sudden, Carlos pulls out a knife, grabs me, and holds it up to my throat. Everyone's shocked, but too scared to really do anything. They try to talk him out of his state of anger, and he throws me to the ground and slits his own throat. At that point everyone is completely in shock. Seth and Mark take me away, and that's all I really remember. I have no idea why he did what he did in the dream, but I couldn't stop thinking about it the whole next day- each time being just as scared and upset. I would love to figure out what it means...
On to a much happier note... It's Easter today! The family went to Verizon Wireless Amphitheater for church with Mecklenburg Community Church, and it was FANTASTIC. Great sermon, great worship, and tons of people were there. We originally decided to go because the band NEEDTOBREATHE was playing a concert afterwards (I recently worked on their music video for "Girl Named Tennessee" and not only was the music good, but the guys were really down to earth and easy to talk to). A few things stuck out to me during the service:
1) "It was Friday, but Sunday was coming." No matter what sucks in life right now (in the apostle's time, Jesus dying) there's always hope. Something will change and good will come (Ya know, Jesus rose from the dead 3 days later... i don't know what could be better than that...)
2) Forgiveness is what God's all about. Peter, who lived his whole life for Christ, DENIED that he even knew who the man was not once, but three times. Kind of a slap in the face to God. But when he saw Jesus again, Christ didn't say that he should be sorry or what he did was terrible or that it shouldn't happen again, he asked him "Do you love me?" three times and told him to watch over his sheep. Talk about forgiveness.
3) Two song lyrics came into mind during the service (sometimes I get a little distracted, it happens). The first one was "I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor." This is an important line to (obviously, since I've written about it before). It reflects the idea of forgiveness- God still loves you no matter what you've done wrong, and he's willing to forgive you, but first you have to pick yourself up from the place you're at and forgive yourself. The other line was "The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair." People complain about how unfair life is ALL the time. But in reality, do we really deserve everything we have? I know I don't. I do things wrong all the time, but I'm surrounded with things I don't need, the most supporting family and friends, and a life that has so much potential. Because God has so much grace for us humans who forget just who we are sometimes, I'm given everything that I don't deserve. Life really isn't fair. (Thanks Switchfoot and Relient K for those lyrics)
4) Thinking about my future, sometimes I think it might be impossible for me to ever fall in love and get married with everything I want to do. But as I've learned from before, I'm sure God will find some funny way to prove me wrong. So I was thinking about that kind of person I want to marry. Is he funny? Relaxed? Always on the Go? Do looks matter? The answer to any of those, I don't know. It all sort of started at the music video shoot. All of the guys, especially the lead singer, Bear Rinehart, were such great people! I met the wife of Bo, Bear's brother, and I couldn't think of another person that I would rather be like. She's nice, fun, and I talked to her throughout the whole day. Now It's not like I have a crush on any of these individual people, but I could definitely see myself with a person who has a personality like theirs. Then the worship band had a few guys that were a little older than me. The idea of a Christian guy my age is something that is super attractive to me. The lead singer cried during one of the songs, which kind of supported my want of a Christian guy for my future husband. This all sounds really lame, I know. But I hope that someday I'll be the lucky wife of a man like that.
So that was the excitement of my Easter weekend. It was kind of depressing at first, but I have so much hope for my future, that the past isn't as intimidating as it used to seem.
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